Sky Writer Demands Restitution

Charles Gray                                                                                        John Olson
11433 North Sundown Drive                                                             Box ####
Snottsdale, AZ  85260                                                                          Rodeo, NM  88065

Sir,
For your information, only the following steps are required to relieve yourself, on a dark night, in Rodeo, New Mexico:

1) get out of bed and step out under the Milky Way

Just you and the Gods above Charlie...

2) proceed three steps forward

3) turn crosswind if necessary

4) whip it out and

5) piss

That’s all there is to it Charlie. Now didn’t that feel good? This advice comes from a man with experience Charles-when it’s all over you puts it away and you shuts up.

But no.

Not you Charles.

You’re from Snoooootsdale.

You… have to go to the ladies room!

You! Are gonna powder yer nose while you wizz!

Which decision compelled us (well, at least me anyhow) to buy hours and hours of useless lawyers and crazy legal crap and basically muck-up the court system with bullshit nonsense for months! Not to mention that default judgment you nearly got against me Charlie-you almost had my Life Savings didn’t you, you greedy prick. Another two (2) weeks and I’d been a pauper! What a fucking dumb ass! Forgive me Charles-there just ain’t no other way to express it: you should be ashamed of yourself.

All of which by the way, wound up costing me about fifty-five hundred bucks ($5,500) Charles. So, I hereby demand that:

1) you set me straight on this for fifty-five hundred bucks ($5,500) no later than December 31, 2012, and

2) you swear under oath so help you God, that next time you gotta relieve yerself on a dark night anywhere in my vicinity, you’ll get someone to come along and hold yer pecker for you-maybe you can get the little wifey to lend a hand. Consider donning a crash helmet too Charlie-whatever it takes! I would hate to have to go through all this again. I still owe, on this one!

Here is how we mighta looked Charles, if only I had not not taught you to fly.

3) So long as I shall live and breathe Charlie, you don’t ask me to teach you to fly never again. Because I won’t is why-not teaching you to fly once was enough, believe me.

That’s all I ask Charlie-simple, straightforward and only fair.

Just because the judge dismissed your silly charges-with prejudice of course-don’t mean you ain’t heard the last of this Charlie. Either settle my demands or see me in small claims court. I myself am relieved to know, that while there are no lawyers in small claims courts, they do have urinals.

Send a clean check to:
John Olson
Box ####
Rodeo, NM 88056

PS- I hope Charlie, that your face has healed nicely from when you fell on your ass on the way to the ladies room that dark night so long ago in Rodeo. Keep in mind, nobody shoved you. See above instructions.

PSS-You can keep this here letter for your records if you like but you doesn’t has to. I promised my reader(s) that I will publish each and every single piece of paper generated by your midnight stroll see, and so you can find this’n here there too (complete with photos). Do you need the web address Charles? www.JohnOlson.blog.com

PSSS-I know throwing my ass under the bus was that sleezy lawyer Jose Zebra’s idea, but hey! This here is what you get for hiring such a sleezeball. Can you say “malicious”?

Take a wizz Charlie.

Charlie and his shins...

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